Inside the marketing brochure
2008 July 12
The draft inside pages of our proposed marketing brochure. I have to find time to revise the draft tonight or first thing tomorrow morning so it can be emailed to the printer on Monday, but I've a pile of other work to do so that's it for now. The outside of the brochure can be seen here. And as usual, please remember that this is an early draft.
Looks great! Just one thing, in the 4th paragraph of the first section it should say ‘As well as’. How come I miss all the mistake in my thesis but that I see?!! The difference between reading something interesting (your leaflet) and skim reading something boring (my thesis!).
That’s great, full of enthusiam without being dull – makes me want some anyway, so it’s obviously doing its job!
Hi Stonehead
Here are my nit-picky comments (I so rarely get to contribute anything that I’m getting all enthusiastic about this since reading is something I can actually do
)
1. In the third paragraph of the left-hand column there seem to be two spaces before Today whereas everywhere else just one is used after a full stop (which is apparently the correct usage these days although I’m an old-fashioned gal and it drives me mad).
2. The second last sentence in the middle column reads a little strangely to me. I think I’d probably use “which leads” rather than “that lead” – using the verb to relate to heavy milking rather than to sows if you see what I mean? Something about saying that “sows lead to high-weaning weights” is strange but maybe it’s just the way I’m reading it.
3. Should there be a comma before each in the final sentence of the right column? Looks weird to me but could be grammatically correct (my knowledge of actual grammar rules is somewhat lacking).
4. My last point is a general one, again showing my ignorance of most of what you are so expert at. If you will be handing this leaflet out to people like me you might want to keep it in mind. If you’re distributing it only to people who know all about pigs then you can use my comment to illustrate how far removed from the land some of us are. In the third paragraph of the left column you say that the Berkshire is black and then say its skin is white. This confused me for a few seconds but (based on what little I do know) I think the black colour comes from hair and underneath it therefore the skin is white. Is that right? So, depending on your audience you might need to clarify it although if they’re looking at the pigs in the flesh maybe that’s obvious anyway.
Hope this helps.
It’s looking good, I like the font you’ve used for the headings.
Also, I never knew that about the Empress of Blandings although I’ve read the books (just shows how some information doesn’t register properly when you’re reading).
Moonwaves,
The bit about the skin is to make clear that, although the pig is black, the skin is white (you might assume that a black pig has black skin). This matters because the Gloucester Old Spot fell out of favour for years because the skin under its black spots is black – therefore you get black spots on the outside of the joints of meat. Now, ironically, the Old Spot is popular again and people want to see the spots on the skin (the sign of a genuine Old Spot).
Consumers may not, however, be ready yet for pork with an all-over black skin so it matters to state that the Berkshire has white skin.
Ah, I was wondering what went on the inside–Looks nice.
You may wish to blur out your phone number and address for us on the interwebs though!
Otherwise I’ll be tempted to give you a ring!
Can you really read print that small? I did a Gaussian blur on the large image of the brochure (the one you click through to) to make it unreadable, but didn’t bother with the small one. I’ve excellent eyesight and can’t read the text on screen or printed.
Don’t know about anyone else but I couldn’t so I just printed it out and it was okay to read. I can proofread better on paper than on screen anyway.
I actually can read it, but that’s because… well, I won’t explain how for anyone who might mean you ill.
But yep, it’s readable.
I agree you have done a great job of the brochure covering the interesting history and the practical rationale. It is probably a long story but I am interested in why you keep pigs given that you (presumably) have to bring in their feed. Maybe that is not a big issue for you (after all, someone has to rear pork). I presume you can produce sheep on your own pasture. Do you have geese? I understand that they can also derive a lot of their feed from pasture (and breed faster than sheep!).