Matthew Parris deserves his own headline
Matthew Parris, a former MP turned media pundit, can be amusing on occasion but his latest outpouring in The Times is bound to act as further justification for the “I hate cyclists” brigade.
While I fully appreciate that as an attention-seeking nutter he is bound to step over the line from time to time, calling for piano wire to be strung across country lanes to decapitate cyclists is a jibe too far.
Yobs and idiots do, in fact, string wire across cycle tracks, country lanes and woodland paths, and cyclists have been seriously injured when they’ve hit the wire, as have motorcyclists and horse riders.
Parris has decided to go public with his own desire to follow suit, allegedly because cyclists have been throwing drink bottles into the hedgerows.
This is on top of their other alleged offences, including self-righteousness (Parris surely knows this by sight and sound) and a “brutish disregard for other road users”.
The alleged littering by cyclists starts Parris off a huge tirade about cyclists having bigger carbon footprints than drivers, being bad mannered, and taking up space on the road.
Never mind that most cyclists carry their drinks in refillable bottles on their frames, never mind the size and fuel consumption of cars, never mind the yobs (including the middle classes of which Parris counts himself a member) who hurl abuse at cyclists, and never mind that roads are also for cyclists, motorcyclists, horses and even pedestrians where there are no footpaths.
No, Parris has to single out a vulnerable minority to satisfy his desire for attention and earn his pay cheque.
I wonder how the openly homosexual Parris would respond if a similar column had appeared in another newspaper, but with cyclists changed to “gay men”? And with a similar call for gay men to be garroted?
Would he chuckle and see the “joke”? Or would he be more than a little annoyed?
But here’s a thought for you. The Times’ headline reads, “What’s smug and deserves to be decapitated?”
Was the sub-editor referring to the content of the column? Or the author?
Some writers really do deserve their headlines…
What about car drivers that throw fag butts, drinks, sweet wrappers, cartons, McCack boxes, and dirty nappies onto the side of the road?
Not to mention that flytipping itself is pretty hard on a bike – even Stunt Stoney would struggle to balance an old sofa on the handlebars so he could leave it in a layby on the A47.
Oh he’s a silly man. This is another use for Stunt Stoney. I’ll put up the wire, he can ride into it (safely, and with minor injuries) and then we’ll sue Parris for the idea and the injuries. (Obviously the money will go into the SOBS, the campaign to bring “Stony’s Offspring Back to Suburbia” – we’re doing it for the kids maaaaaaaaaan!)
Christmas was a little too much, then?
Mr Uhdd is planning to go down our lane today, with bin bag, wearing surgical gloves under thick gardening gloves to collect all the rubbish out of the hedgerow, yes, things like ‘Lucozade, Gatorade and other blood-sugar-boosting products’ ( I’ll bet ‘Red Bull’ was amongst it) this isn’t a new winter phenomenon, in fact the rubbish has probably been their all summer, its just hidden by the vegetation, I think what Parris is ’sooo not getting’ is that theses drinks are part of youth culture, (’Vimto’ and ‘dandelion and burdock’ are a bit dated now) as much as they are part bikers and runners, world, and you would be hard pushed to find one of them who would drop litter, they like being out in the country.
The other things we find? well always wine bottles, beer cans, pizza boxes, and occasionally bags of ‘drugs paraphernalia’ (hence they need to ‘glove up’)
Perhaps he should give some consideration to this problem, but I think he chose to deliver a ‘cheap shot’ and one that was in poor taste.
We get some litter along the two roadsides, but most of ours is deposited by the gales. In the main, the winds bring us fertiliser bags, carrier bags, bale wrap, bread bags, sweet wrappers, and the like.
But when we get the 70mph-plus winds, then we start getting heavier items, usually plastic roof sheeting, pieces of plywood or corrugated iron (very dangerous when blown through the place at 70mph). The best was an Eglu – one of those trendy, plastic chicken houses for the idle rich.
I suppose I could blame cyclists for all of that…
An Eglu, what a ‘beach combing’ find!
I always imagine that’s what Nigela Lawson would keep her chicken in
We have a bus stop outside our house and the passengers waiting use our garden instead of a bin for their bottles, drink cans and sweet papers. Perhaps I should mount a cannon and write an article to the Times instead of shrugging my shoulders and picking them up…..! LOL
You were right to be incensed about M Parris’ tirade. It is disgusting and OTT in its remedy for a small problem.
I’ve left a suitable comment on the website.
(PS. Just a small point…tongue in cheek! We’re not rich nor idle but we’d love an eglu. We used to keep chickens in ramshackle, homemade-by-my-technically-challenged husband chicken runs. We can’t have them where we live now, because of the deeds and his health, but if we could we’d love an eglu as it makes it so much easier. One would outlast his feeble attempts and I’m sure the chickens’ld be more comfortable.)
Here is the tally, in a 1/4 mile, single track lane, one wheelbarrow and two carrier bags of rubbish (including one laminated poster demanding ‘Save Our Village School’: they did) also in the rubbish haul, 40 screw top Chardonnay wine bottles, we are now wondering if one of our neighbours has a drink problem!
We will ring the council to sort out the TV and the pile of tyres that wouldn’t fit in the wheelbarrow.
Christmas was excellent in many, many ways Mr Stoney! Good time spent with family, more family, and on our own.
2008 though, that’s going to be the year we start cutting down the carbon footprint of the itwillallbefine household. Today we bought him an Triumph Trophy 3 900cc motorbike. Apparently it gets 50miles per gallon, as opposed to our Range Rovers 9mpg. It’s a start. But we still haven’t filled the black bin over Christmas, although the recycling bins are 2 out of 3 full!
Oh yes, please to be telling the Wee Un that his biscuits, made for guests from his recipe, went down an absolute storm and I’ve been asked for the recipe. Would it be ok to share? I’d hate to upset such a chef as the Wee Un by giving away secrets!
By all means share the recipe – which one was it?
Christmas biscuits
Butterscotch biscuits
Oat cookies
I too have posted a comment – but I doubt they’ll publish it…
It was butterscotch biscuits, although I shall be making the others over today, feeding them to our RPG night tonight, and no doubt be sharing those recipes as well.
Thankyou Stoney and Wee Un.
Which RPGs? I started playing in the 1970s but was forced to quit after 30 years by a lack of players in these parts. I did try PBM (hand and computer moderated) but couldn’t afford to keep it up. I prefer high fantasy, science fiction and steampunk.
This thread has really wandered around!
“Which went first, the chicken or the Eglu?”
I wonder what happened to the poor occupant/s of said non-paltry poultry accommodation? Personally I don’t like Eglus, preferring a much bigger, airy, wooden henhouse for the same dosh as those outrageously-priced plastic travesties. That said, great freebie – I’ll have to cycle round my local neighbourhood after the next gale in the hope of finding one!
Meanwhile we have endlessly frustrating problems with fly tipping. There’s an ancient, ruined cottage down by the river in our wood; when we first arrived Tony & I braved the brambles to explore it. He said, “aha! I’ve found the kitchen – & here’s the parlour…” Impressed with his newfound archaeological expertise, I scrambled through the doorways of the unroofed stone croft to have a look: the ‘kitchen’ contained a dumped fridge-freezer; & there was a shattered TV in the ‘parlour’. Why people can’t literally travel the extra mile & take this stuff to the tip rather than potentially polluting our beautiful river, is beyond me…..& the frightening speed at which some people roar around our high-hedged lanes; well, an accident waiting to happen.
Bah humbug, going off to make some butterscotch biscuits to cheer myself up. Looks like you have a young Hugh F-W in the making there!
We play a lot of D&D at the moment, but in my yoof (those halycon days!) I table topped and LARPed things like Vampire, Nephelim, Shadowrunner, Killer, Renegade Nuns on Wheels, Toon – in fact anything we could get our hands on!
I officially extend an open invitation to you to play and/or stay over if you’re even in Norfolk! We have a sofa!
I started with D&D (third printing, 1975), which shows my age! I stayed with D&D, then AD&D, then D&D again until we moved up here.
Alongside that main thread, I’ve also played Chivalry & Sorcery, Traveller, Traveller 2000, Space Opera, RuneQuest, BootHill, Space:1889, Call of Cthulhu, Ars Magica, Twilight 2000, Castle Falkenstein, Shadowrun, Iron Kingdoms and more. Oh, and I mustn’t forget Macho Women With Guns!
I even wrote and developed my own RPGs twice – one high fantasy, one steampunk.
I might have to sneak down to Norfolk at some point…
Getting the subject back on topic, thoughts on Parris from other writers:
Self righteousness
Times article
Understanding prejudice
What’s smug and deserves to be decapitated?
Piano wire menace
Matthew Parris Times article
Not something you want to read this time of year
Seesmic post on vile journalism
Matthew Parris “humorously” advocates killing cyclists
I just emailed my MP, asking him what disciplinary measures we could expect for this bullying of a minority group with incitement to violence.
No, I don’t expect it’ll go anywhere either……………………